People Are Scary

A Little Bit of Backstory

Not twenty minutes after pitching the idea of this column to a close friend did we find ourselves in a rather frightening episode at the local Kmart. My friend, simply asking a man if he was alright after he (drunkenly) stumbled in front of a young staff member, became the target of graphic verbal abuse and intimidation tactics. My first thought was ‘wow this is why I don’t trust people’.

I hadn’t even started this project yet and I’ve already had my first set-back.

This is not a standalone occurrence, and because of events like these, and a myriad of other reasons that I’m sure I’ll get into later, I’ve never really felt safe around people. Even with my closest friends and family I hold onto this feeling of vulnerability. “People” seems a strange thing to be scared of. I am a person. I don’t think I am scary at all. And I live a life that is quite safe in the scheme of things. I’ve got good family, good friends, shelter, food, access to opportunities. For those of you with an interest in psychological theories, I am meeting every level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. So then why do I feel the need to be wary of everyone. Surely most people are good and safe – otherwise the world would look a whole lot worse than it does now.

And yet, there is something missing. More friends, perhaps. Community, definitely. The ability to have sex again without triggering the fight or flight response, man I hope so. Society feels more and more isolating as I get older, with so many of my interactions occurring in an online space. Tucked behind closed doors nothing is off limits. I can say mean things and I can say nice things and not see the impact they have at all. I can heart react your Instagram story and run away when I see you at the supermarket. I can sign a petition for more third spaces in my city but not make eye contact with anyone on the tram. For the last ten years that has been enough for me. I was spending so much time patching up other areas of my life that this one didn’t seem as important. In fact, it felt almost impossible. It doesn’t feel like that now. Or, at least, it feels too important not to at least try.

In my ‘can’t achieve anything without a deadline fashion’ I have created a challenge for myself with the intent of broadening my horizons, so to speak. I actually really love people, and I’d rather not spend the rest of my life scared of what they might to do to me or say about me. Instead, I shall face my fears like the big brave girl that I am, and hopefully good things will come of it (I’m almost certain they will – otherwise I would not be throwing my introverted self into the deep end).

The Challenge

The plan so far stands as such:

In the next year…

I will meet 1000 people.

I will interact with a stranger every day.

I will attend 50 events.

I will make 5 new friends. *

I will go on 50 dates. **

I will write at least one post a week about my experiences. What I learnt, what I loved, what was scary and why.

*this will be classified by spending time with them at least three times, at least one of those times one-on-one, and of course by calling each other friends.

**not required to be a new person every time, if i find a lover i find a lover.

So It Begins…

I carry with me the rather unfortunate worry that every single idea I have is incorrect. Even my opinions, which are just that, opinions. By nature they cannot be wrong. I can of course change them, if I see fit, but currently I am too scared to even admit to them publicly for fear of what exactly? Being shamed, being wrong, in case I change my mind ten years from now but it’s too late someone’s already shared it on twitter and I’m the talk of the town.

But keeping my thoughts, ideas, and opinions hidden hasn’t helped me achieve anything besides being horrible at setting personal boundaries and a bit of a pushover. So, if nothing else, this project will give me the opportunity to share my writing, to face just about every single one of my fears, and figure out how to navigate the world of website design. It’s time to try something new.

‘My Year of People’ is something new. I hope you’ll join me as I take on a ridiculous challenge in my desperate attempt to seek adult friendships. And yet, at the same time, I hope you don’t because I’m feeling embarrassed about it already (baby steps).

Wish me luck,

Isobel